The tears are pricking behind my eyes,
threatening to roll their salty drops down my face.
I slowly, thoroughly pack my sons
belongings into a canvas bag.
For months now I’ve been sharing my desires
of solitude, of some time to myself.
My time is here. Now I’m not sure I want
it.
What will he do when he realises I am
leaving him? Will he cry? Will I?
What if he’s upset and I’m not there to
console him, to draw him into my loving embrace, the place he knows where
everything will be OK?
I don’t want to cry.
Will it be obvious, that tears are
teetering on the edge of my lashes, when I place his bag into the cubbyhole,
full of his belongings all labeled with his name?
Will he sense my hesitation and cling ever
more tightly around my neck?
So many questions, so many emotions, but so
many great things can come from this.
Day care. The first day. The first time I
have been away from him.
Sure, it’s only for three hours, but
guaranteed, it will be the longest three hours of my life, and I will be
staring at the clock until it’s time for me to pick him up.
Did YOU cry?
Oh I used to cry so much with my first. I would cry in the car as I drove to work and it was all I could do to stop myself ringing day care more than twice per day. It was a kind of grieving.
ReplyDeleteIt was much easier with the second and I think it will be easier again if/when the time comes with my third!
Hang in there. I'm sure that once he sees the kids and the toys, he'll be fine :-)
Thanks Francesca,
DeleteI took him again today and he's getting more used to it, although he's still upset when he can't find me! I have to say I haven't cried, to my amazement, but still miss him.
It's so hard! I only did it for a few days at 18 months and haven't tried again. I can only imagine how you are feeling. How are all your blogging ventures going?
ReplyDeleteThank you! I sent him along again today and he was better, apparently, but still upset when he couldn't find me. I think it will be good for him in the long run to become used to not being stuck to my side all the time.
DeleteBlogging stalled for me for a little while (stay tuned) but I'm back in the writing chair and enjoying it.
Thanks for reading!