It’s reprehensible to have these feelings.
There my gorgeous son sits, with the sun
beaming down upon his shoulders, on the floor of his toy-filled room, in a
house where love, happiness and laughter fill every square, renovated inch.
He is as healthy as an ox. He snacks on a
ripe banana, enjoying the feeling as he squishes it between his fingers. He
eats everything we put in front of him and is never short on nutritious food.
I have an amazing, thoughtful husband and
we live in a modest house where the rosemary-scented meal cooking in our
fabulous kitchen fills my lungs with desire.
So why am I despondent? It’s money. Or lack
of.
During my "life before kids", I worked full
time and earned a great income. As
a risk adverse generation X’er I saved as much as I could and spent little. But
when I did spend, it was when I wanted to spend and on what. The latest fashion! Soft
leather boots that feel like you're not wearing them, tailored jackets to slim my waistline, and maxi-dresses with exotic prints to die for. I
looked fabulous!
Living on one wage means we can no longer
afford to flitter away our income on those “luxury” purchases that I once
made. For the first twelve months I resigned myself to the fact that the purse
strings would tighten, as my wardrobe would be constantly “re-invented”.
Sixteen months after leaving paid work,
like two hands around a choked throat, the purse strings are leaving their mark
on my freedom. I can no longer spend a day in town “window shopping” without
leaving miserable, wishing I could just buy that …...
This sentiment goes against my experiences
whilst volunteering in Africa and whilst writing my post how much really IS enough? But despite my internal agreement to live frugally for a while, the lack of
disposable income leaves me melancholy.
Somehow, whilst at a friends BBQ the other
day, a full glass of red wine decided to leave the comfort of my glass and land with
resolve down the front of my top. I jokingly remarked to my friend, “Well this
gives me a good excuse to go and buy another top!” but I knew deep in my heart that
buying a new top was a treat I was destined to only dream about.
The choice to go back to full time work or
stay at home and bring up my child is an extremely difficult one, with many pro’s
and cons. A decision that many of my friends have agonized long and hard over.
But for now, I am resigned to pull out that
glorious dress from 2001 and make it look brand new, just so I can devote my
days to my little man.
How have you overcome these feelings?
Please share your story with us.
I am challenging myself not to buy any new clothes for a year after hearing of someone doing something similar - my goal is instead to put the money towards bigger and better things. It is proving very hard and I find myself channelling my need to spend into new clothes for my baby daughter! I am also looking at my tired old clothes and can't help feeling they're ugly and well worn. I do wonder whether this because of the challenge I have set myself. i really don't think I can last 12 months and I certainly haven't told my husband, but I'm going to give it a good go!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your message! It's so hard isn't it? You know you shouldn't spend frivolously but a new top or new outfit just work wonders for our self-esteem! You can re-invent your wardrobe many times over but there comes a time when you just need an injection of something new!
DeleteThanks for sharing your story and I hope it works out for you! Good luck!
I feel like this a lot. I'm currently feeling melancholy about life in general, but for similar reasons to yourself. I do work, albeit part time in the evening, but it is hard, I don't enjoy it, it is impacting on my home life and yet I can't leave. Our mortgage needs to be paid, food needs to be put on the table.
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough gig, I don't have any words to tell you how to make it any easier. sorry.
Thanks Mandy, you're so lovely. Re-reading my post, things are not actually as bad as they seem, but I still feel guilty spending on myself when I'm not earning an income. It's something I've really struggled with since leaving paid work. I miss the disposable income and the freedom with which I could spend it.
DeleteOh well, a few more years and I can go back to that!
My new years resolution this year was to prove to my husband that i CAN save!! Last year we both made that new years resolution and didnt quite complete it - events just always seem to pop up - birthdays, weddings, engagements, festivals, farewells, and of course i always found myself convincing myself why i needed that dress for that event coming up!! But NO not this year Im being strong and making myself wear my dresses more than once LOL!! So far so good - I can now see that house deposit coming a little closer every fortnight!!
ReplyDeleteGood luck Dee! You're right, it's soooo hard to save for a ouse deposit. I seems like you'll never get there. But I assure you, every little bit counts! There's always your sister to borrow dresses from too!
ReplyDelete