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Dear Seed of Self-Doubt,
When did you take root in my mind and
flourish with such velocity? You caught me off guard.
Do you remember when I worked for Mimco? It
was my first week on the job and I had to present to over one hundred people?
You threatened to dig your roots into my self-confidence, but alas I won,
keeping you at bay whilst I convinced myself I was made for this role.
Then there was the birth of my first baby.
I’d never really been around babies before, had never been interested, and my
friends and family feared you would play chicken in my head, worried I would
second guess myself as a mother. But again, you failed; I took to my new role
as mother like a duck to water.
But now, as I start my newly self-assigned
role, as author of my blog, you have firmly taken root and flourished.
Initially just a small seed of self-doubt, you have now threatened to invade
the furthest recesses of my self-confidence. You have me backing away timidly,
as though I may be stung by a poisonous thorn.
I’m not good enough to be in
this league of fabulous writers. I don’t belong here.
When in my life have I ever felt this way?
Why have you decided to plant yourself now, of all times, when I have finally
found something that I am passionate about? Is that why? Because I love what I
do? Please remove your firmly entrenched roots from my psyche and
GO AWAY!
I know I can do this. Don’t let me get the
weed kill out!
I can do this, can't I?
Of course you can do it! I feel the same way as you do sometimes. I go through phases of reading blogs, until they end up making me feel useless at writing and as if everyone else is better at this than me. That's when I know I need to take a step back. Eventually I realise that, for me, blogging isn't a competition, it's something I do for me. Yes, I love it when people read/follow/comment on my blog, and while it boosts my confidence, it's not about what other people think or how they write. My blog is my story, just as your blog comes from you, your experiences and your interests. Trample those weeds with your words, I for one enjoy reading what you have to say!
ReplyDeleteThank you Francesca, you have absolutely MADE my day with your wonderful message!
DeleteI started this blog as somewhere to direct my passion and I really love it, but you are right, I get caught up in other peoples blogs and end up feeling intimidated and second rate.
This is not a competition. This is for me! I think sometimes I need to stick with a small circle of "blog friends" and focus on what I want to get out of writing. Which is coming across lovely people like you!
The best thing you can do for yourself is not worry about other people. we are all different, but in many way the same. what you offer, how you write will be different, but there will be people out there that feel the same and can totally relate.
ReplyDeleteI've enjoyed reading your blog todate and look forward to many more. Even this post on self doubt is well written.
Chin up. You're doing great.
Thanks so much Mandy! It's been such a wonderful experience reading the heart-warming messages from my readers after publishing this post. A great way to start my week!
DeleteYou write beautifully, and congratulations, you have just attained the first qualification of any writer - self-doubt!
ReplyDeleteI don't know of any writer worth their salt who does not wallow in the dark pits of scepticism about their writing.
Sadly, in this world of rejection, we have to develop a thick skin to survive.
Not nice, but true.
Thank you Madmother for your kind words of encouragement. I don't think I will ever truly develop a thick skin but messages like yours are the best part of my blogging experience!
DeleteOh Melissa, unfortunately this is how I have spent most of my life! Always doubting and looking for validation from everyone...anyone! You are one very talented lady, you've found your passion and a way to express your soul. I on the other hand, since leaving my world of corporate career success, am still searching, yearning to find 'my place' now that I'm a mother. Self doubt can be debilitating, I know this from years of experience. Your self doubt just means to me that you are human, but please don't give in to it, don't let it take hold; it is very hard to break the habit. I don’t know if I’ve told you but you inspire me, you are someone I look up to as a mother and a beautiful expressive soul. And now if you as a person, who I see as motivated, passionate and with purpose, can have self doubt then that just gives me hope. Even though blogging may not be ‘my thing’ you make my confident that soon I will discover what ‘my thing’ is even amongst the chaos in my mind. Your posts always move me and remind me of how lucky I am that I met you!
ReplyDelete